I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
