You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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