Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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