very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
