I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
