My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
