I must be too annoying 4 u.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
