just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
