Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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