I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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