I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Church boner. Awkwardddd
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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