My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
