We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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