i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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