Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
