i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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