Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
