So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
