I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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