the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
