I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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