I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
