i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
