I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
