my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
People in love make me want to vomit
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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