jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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