Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Ladies don't puke and tell
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
