Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
