So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
