Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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