she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
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