she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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