apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
