it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
