Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
