P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I love you. Go after that dick
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