i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Did you pee in the oven last night??
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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