I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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