what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
