Well douche your snatch and let's go!
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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