I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
