it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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