porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Couch. On fire.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
