My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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