she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
