The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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