come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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