I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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