chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
