and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
