Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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