My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
