at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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