I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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